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Calvin Schwartz
Author
There's a Tortoise in My Hair
Cameron Simmons has always been haunted. It begins as a child, when Cam’s father bestows upon him an insult that will take a lifetime to outlive, blaming his slow development on a fictitious tortoise in his hair. From there, Cam’s hauntings multiply: The constant threat of the Vietnam War draft. Failed relationships—and chemical dependencies—that stack up like empty pill bottles. Unfulfilling career moves. And the nagging feeling that his life is just destined to mean . . . something, anything at all. Something- a powerful word. But these things form a pattern Cam can’t see—yet. It’s not until the earth-shattering discovery of his greatest haunting of all—the true identity of his guardian angel—that he can understand the purpose behind each heartache on his unwitting journey to spirit. Capturing each moment of anguish or hilarity with painstaking detail, Calvin Barry Schwartz’s ‘There’s a Tortoise in My Hair’ is more than a life story; it’s a legacy of love—for the world, for humanity, and for the pains of life that shape our ability to love in the first place.
Reviews
Kirkus Review

Schwartz’s second novel traces the contours of one man’s life, or his “journey to spirit,” across seven decades.

As a small child growing up in 1940s and ’50s Newark, New Jersey, Cameron Simmons is so slow to walk and talk that his dad remarks there must be a “tortoise walking around his hair.” The comment, made by a generally aloof father, stays with Cam for the rest of his life—one spent, in part, obtaining multiple degrees at Rutgers University during the ’60s; avoiding the Vietnam War draft to pursue an ultimately underwhelming career in pharmacology; and having a tumultuous series of typically fumbling and often chaste relationships, including an early failed marriage prior to a more long-lasting union. He also raises an adopted son with a tenderness his father never bestowed on him; switches jobs to become, at 6 feet, 5 inches in height, the tallest—if not most successful—eyeglasses salesman in the Eastern United States; and settles down, at a later age, to begin a career as a writer with a modest following on LinkedIn. However, Cam’s figurative tortoise—eternally perched atop his head, wandering and searching, undercutting his day-to-day being with a constant sense of precipice and inadequacy—hampers his joy. Something feels, for him, forever missing, as manifested in myriad suicide attempts. Schwartz ably captures this feeling of absence in confident, cohesive first-person prose, divided into carefully considered and often wry chapters: “All the while, the tortoise was still hanging around, precipitating lapses in my development, confidence, and general sense of where the hell I was going in life.” Cam’s finely detailed and distinctive voice never falters, evoking the protagonists in the works of such authors as John Irving and Mordecai Richler. By straddling the political and the personal—from the Watergate hearings and burgeoning climate protests to Cam’s persistent, often aimless yearnings—the book offers a wide-reaching tale of humanity.

A rich, resonant, and vividly imagined character study.

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